Five Fall Fashion Trends Men Are Praying You’ll Avoid

One fun thing about blogging for Glamour is that I’ve made my way into the email address books of NYC publicists, which means I receive a daily stream of wacky press releases. Most of them get deleted after a quick scan, but last week I received one about fall fashion trends for women that really freaked me out. If these looks are actually popular this autumn, please wake me in December:

The one and only Sid Vicious, who managed to make studs look studly.

Studded: "I was just trying to give you a hug—why the hell did you hit me with that weird medieval club? Oh, that’s just the sleeve of your studded leather jacket." I’m not a huge punk fan, but if the fashionistas co-opt their look it’s gonna bring out the inner anarchist in me.

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You think I like this photo for the booty action, but actually my favorite thing about it is her smile. Seriously!

Ripped/Distressed: Hey, I like synth-pop, boat shoes and big hair as much as the next guy. But when it comes to 80s trends, I draw the line at distressed jeans. Unless, of course, you’re Halle Berry, in which case I support any trend that gets you closer to naked.

Liddy Dole, fashion pioneer.

Strong Shoulders: Please log this as Exhibit 9,764 in my argument that women dress for each other, not men. (Exhibit 9,763: Maxi dresses) Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not looking for a dainty girl--I actually like a woman with a little muscle on her. But let’s just say that “broad shoulders” is pretty low on my list of desired attributes, way below "nice butt" and just ahead of "well-developed neck muscles".

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Is there anything less sexy than Meat Loaf in leather?

Biker: Odd fact: when I was in college, Tata and I lived directly across the street from the NYC headquarters of the Hell’s Angels. They certainly had a distinctive look, and I gotta admit that it worked for them. But at no point did I ever think, “You know what? Those greasy jeans, scary skeleton t-shirts, leather vests and skull-crusher boots look great on dudes, but they’d be DEAD SEXY on a chick.”

You wanna hear something weird? Angelina doesn't really do it for me. Especially when she's wearing leather.

Leather: I TOLD you we're becoming an S&M nation. What's up with this? Why are all of the supposedly hot trends so damn scary? Look, it's not that I don't appreciate edgy looks. Hell, I own a hooded leather jacket. But I also really like ruffles and shiny fabrics and soft stuff. Does that make me a chauvinist? Or should I just go with the flow and get some more tattoos to fit in?

Are you into any of these trends? Do you prefer traditionally feminine styles, or are you into more cutting-edge looks? What item of clothing are you lusting after for the fall?