The DoE lost his bet so we went to Downing Street for lunch

The Queen's unofficial Twitter shadow talks about lunch with her former prime ministers at Downing Street.

Sunshine at last. The DoE had a bet with Mr Cameron that it would rain right through to the Olympics and said we would go for lunch at Downing Street if it didn’t. So sadly that’s what we had to do.

Mr Cameron had invited Gordon Brown, Tony Blair and John Major along. Mrs Blair was unfortunately unable to make it due to an on-going knee problem, which makes it virtually impossible for her to curtsey, and also due to not being invited. Mrs Thatcher was also absent, having given up public duties in the mid nineteen-eighties.

"The DoE asked if Andy Coulson or Rebekah Brooks would be joining us but apparently they were otherwise engaged"

Mr Blair was looking ridiculously tanned. It never ceases to amaze one how someone with his popularity (or lack of it) can smile so much. He asked if one had enjoyed his memoirs and one assured him that they’d taken pride of place in the Royal Library (as a doorstop – one didn’t know if they should be filed under humour or fiction).

The DoE asked him how saving the world was coming along; Mr Blair said it was a slow process but he felt he was getting there. Mr Cameron chipped in that it sounded similar to his experience with the Olympics.

It must have been quite a novelty for Mr Cameron, having a lunch guest that hadn’t made a sizable donation to the Conservative Party in order to be there. The DoE asked if Andy Coulson or Rebekah Brooks would be joining us but apparently they were otherwise engaged. The DoE said he thought they might have a chance to dine at one’s pleasure soon.

Lunch was rather good, to be fair, although the first course didn’t arrive – something to do with G4S being responsible for the delivery, one wasn’t really listening to be honest.

Mr Major said it brought back memories of a curry he’d had in the White Drawing Room.

"There was an awkward moment when Mr Brown refused to leave (again)"

Couldn’t help feel sorry for Mr Brown. He’d hardly had chance to unpack his suitcase, he was here for such a short time. Mr Cameron let him have a sit at the Prime Minister’s desk one last time and there was an awkward moment when he refused to leave (again).

Mr Clegg didn’t join us at lunch but he seemed to be enjoying himself outside in the Downing Street paddling pool. Mr Cameron said he was “keeping him covered in ‘Factor 50’ sunscreen to stop him getting burned, but you just can’t keep him out of the water when it’s sunny”.

Slightly traumatic moment when he dropped his Etch-a-Sketch into the pool, thus practically bringing the Liberal Democrats to a virtual standstill but Mr Blair gave it a shake (the Etch-a-Sketch, not Mr Clegg) and calm was restored. He was back on form in no time and spent the rest of the afternoon squirting Mr Brown through the window with a water pistol.

Just as we were leaving, news came through that François Hollande had arrived safely back in Paris. He’d apparently got the wrong end of the stick on Sunday when he heard that the British were riding triumphantly into the capital and fled to the Switzerland, not realising it was only Bradley Wiggins winning the Tour de France. The French have always been a bit nervous since the end of the 100 years’ war.

Group therapy session over, one issued a quick motivational bollocking for political decisions past, present and future then we jumped in the Bentley and headed back to Buckingham Palace for a G4S (gin, 4 shots) in the garden.

Twitter's @Queen_UK is the unofficial Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, wife of the DoE, mother, grandmother and author of Gin O'Clock - out now in paperback.